Janosh column “Authenticity”
For those of you who are familiar with my work, every hologram has a specific influence on a part of our subconscious. I call them codes, because they help you to decipher the hidden knowledge within you. Each code contains information in the form of a frequency, or in other words: a vibration of energy that resonates with our feelings. In my column I describe my personal experiences when I receive these frequencies. Usually I talk about the one that is most apparent at the moment and give my opinion about the developments within this theme.
It’s quite special isn’t it? Authenticity. Before you read any further, I challenge you to make contact with it. Just look at it for a while. Absorb the details. Focus in the middle. A few minutes is quite enough…
I told you didn’t I? It is different!
Of course you can say that about every hologram, but Authenticity feels to me like a bit of a strange one. Look at it as the Einstein from the collection: mad enough to be brilliant. In the beginning I felt as if someone was laughing at me with all the strange patterns, just as if the hologram was looking at me and wanting to say: ‘Just look at you, you think you’re normal’.
Logically I felt something rebellious rising from within, something that I haven’t felt that strongly for a long time. I had the urge to create a bit of a havoc, to change the course by 180 degrees, kick down some of the establishment. I didn’t get it at all, but boy did it feel good.
But, oh that irritating little voice he? ‘You can’t do that. You are not ready for that yet. First do this. First finish this off.’ And so that spontaneous feeling that you suddenly have is flattened right down, taking all the time, so that nothing more is received. Then it’s all over, the freshness has gone, and you go back down into your safe state, with the same old rituals that you have been doing for years. And that is perfectly OK too. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of routine, but when I look at the hologram Authenticity again, I feel as though someone is laughing at me. Why? I would find that out later.
Champagne without bubbles
Authenticity will be a big challenge for a lot of us. Why? Because it is totally opposite to copying behavior. And that just happens to be the biggest obstacle in our process of growth: we copy each other. We see that someone is successful and think straightaway that we should do that too, even though that person is unique. He is successful in his own way, via his own way. But that doesn’t have to be The Way?
Unfortunately in practice I see a lot of people who are striving to be ideal. They copy every trick because they know that it works and in that way no one will laugh at them. That is so true for ‘upcoming speakers’, people who want to inspire and visit the centre. They all have fantastic stories, because they want to change the world, heal people, bring love, connect hearts, help the environment, help children, help animals and so on and so on. Their intention is admiral, but what gets me is how they present themselves, with all the i’s dotted, all the lines completely straight. Armed with a strong message and protected by a huge harness. I find it strange to see this. Even in the field of ‘free souls’ who want to give something to the world, I see few authentic people. Spirituality has become a culture. Of course it is all amazing what is shared here and there, but I miss a certain vulnerability. The ideal is disconnected from the person and it just remains a story. The words have little impact. I have been doing this for 12 years myself and I know that you can only inspire a group if it is real. If it really comes from the heart. You have to give a piece of yourself. You have to have courage and stand up completely nude. Just tell something that you have experienced yourself. Something personal that really hits home. Otherwise you are just doing another trick. Then you are not effervescing. You are champagne without bubbles.
And do you feel this relates you? Don’t be angry! Don’t send an email! Just wait a minute. Go back to the hologram. Just allow it to prickle your senses. Allow it to laugh at you. I didn’t like it either, but it helped me further!
The show must go on!
OK, back to my story: I wanted something different. The hologram drove me to the point that I had to rediscover myself. A new version of myself; new software. I was ready for an upgrade, in everything. Janosh 2.0 you could say. But every time I made a plan, I found myself up against the wall. The energy just did not flow and I began to develop an adversity towards Authenticity. The hologram turned my whole system upside down! Even though I felt that this was the basis of what I am going to share with people over the forthcoming months. What a brilliant joke – I don’t think!
With a completely full diary of workshops and activities, I didn’t have a lot of time to go looking for the clue in this story, so I just did not do it at all. I had to prepare myself for an international edition of All the Way, an intense three-day retreat at the Energy Lab. People came from England, Spain, even from Mexico and the USA. These people have expectations, so I have to remain professional and put my personal things to one side. So no upgrade, just play it safe: the show must go on!
The funny thing was: just as I had decided to postpone my process, the clue of the story became apparent. It was during All the Way that I felt that some members of the group were experiencing difficulties letting go. Certain people stayed circling in their behavioral patterns, and as such I was unable to reach them. To bring the deepest emotions to the surface, we had to do something extra… something different. So I was put to the test on my creativity and I thought about a special ritual that actually worked very well… everyone in the group was touched really deeply. It went very deep, it was quite extreme (and could have gone quite wrong) but it was definitely me. I am extreme. I love to live life on the edge. I have always been like that. Originally I came from the world of advertising and I had quite a name for being someone who could think of something to make people raise their eyebrows. I always walked along the boundaries of what was normal and what not. It became quite a sport for me to get attention this way; not to shock people, but just to surprise them! My rebellious nature is what makes me authentic. That is where I find my real power. I never expected that during a workshop, that I have done many times before, that I would make unexpected contact with this and it really hit me: it does not have to be what you do but how you do it. You have to give it meaning (and not be afraid to go right out of the box).
After this stimulus, everything seemed totally different. All the things that I felt confronted about, suddenly had another charge. I was enthusiastic to dig deeper! I wanted to grab hold of everything to awaken the rebel within. A beautiful follow up was the journey to Montserrat, a sacred mountain, just outside Barcelona. It’s a magical place where rest and contemplation attracts plenty of spiritual people and I was going to have a long weekend there with a large group of Spanish people. The fact that my host has arranged that I could give a workshop there, made it extra special, but underneath I felt that something else was waiting for me in Montserrat. And just by the thought of that, I felt excited.
What I had felt hanging in the air for a couple of months, is the theme family karma or in other words: energetic baggage that is passed down from generation to generation. I am planning to pay a lot of attention to this, but even in the current workshops this is playing a role. When I suggested that everyone who wanted to come to Montserrat bring a photo of their father or mother with them, it seemed that this is why people came here specially. People were pulling at me from left to right, just as if I was a machine where everyone paid a coin for their turn. After more that 30 short sessions I was craving for the moment to say goodbye, but it set something in motion within me. What is it with that karma?
The power of rituals
After the group had left, we stayed in Montserrat to enjoy the energy of this amazing location. It was close to a temple that I felt drawn to visit that I was suddenly pulled back, just as if I was in two dimensions at the same time. I looked upwards toward a pathway and suddenly saw my father walking up the stairs. It is strange, because he passed away four years ago. I will never forget that day, because at the moment he exhaled his final breath, the large clock in the living room, struck four times and then stopped. Since then I have not thought about my father a lot, until now. His appearance touched me. I became extremely emotional. I suddenly realized that I never said goodbye properly to him. In my latest book God meets God, I wrote a bit about my father, but I have never mourned his death properly. It was just his time that is how it felt. He had a good life and with that thought in mind I had let him go with love.
But the chapter had never been properly closed. There was still a line between me and my father, an old bit of sorrow that we shared. It is about adjusting yourself for others just for the sake of peace. My father was really good at that. If you saw him you would never believe that anything was going on, you were always received in a friendly way, he always had something to say. No one who ever really knew my father’s depth, but I really know how he felt. I took it over from him: the responsibility of always being there for others, whatever the cost to me. But I feel that it is done now. I no longer need this anymore. That I no longer want to bake bread only to be left with the crumbs. And after all the sessions that I had given to the Spanish, I just knew far too much that this was all about a piece of family karma. After my father died this has just become stronger and now it is clear: I will never have any peace until I let this go.
Looking at the projection of my father by the mountain, I suddenly felt the urge to do a ritual. I know how powerful they can be – I learnt that from the Shamans in Siberia – and because I had no further obligations, I decided to devote my final day in Montserrat to my father. In a small shop at the bottom of the square I bought a candle to light for him. In the big cathedral there is a special place for that, but it didn’t feel right. It had to be a place where I could be alone. I had to.
Before I reached the cash desk to pay, I stood standing by a display of authentic jewelry. My eye caught sight of a ring and why I do not know, but I just had to have the ring. It looked just as if it was made for me. At the cash desk I asked the assistant if I could try it on, and she put a box of rings on the counter. Just before I put the ring on, she looked at me and said ‘Padre’. In broken English she told me that this ring was for the Father in Heaven, I was nailed to the ground, because then I knew why I had to have this ring. It was my anchor point: the confirmation that I was about to do something really important.
Stairway to Heaven
With the ring and the candle I walked off in the direction of the mountain pathway and started to walk up the stairs. Along the way, I felt everything happening within my body. I was excited, but at the same time a bit scared. What would be waiting for me at the top? Where on earth am I going? After a strenuous climb for about 15 minutes, my original curiosity became depleted. I was tired, my body began to protest, and my heart was going like the clappers. What on earth had I started? There seemed to be no end! Every few meters I stood panting on the side, greeting other walkers. I could not go any further! It felt as if I was crossing my boundaries. The perspiration was running down my back and I began to regret that I had not planned this trip more efficiently. I even did not have any water with me! At each and every stop I had to assemble my strength, and wonder if this was all going to be worth it? I had to just let go and trust…
This really challenging climb brought all my saboteurs to the surface and I began to ask myself if all this had really been necessary. I could have just lit the candle in the cathedral, but no, this was a better plan! I thought all the time: ‘stop here; this is a good place too. Light your candle and go back down.’ But I could feel that my father would not be satisfied like that. I just had to go up the path. It is literally martyrdom, but symbolically the way to my father, to my freedom, my ‘Stairway to Heaven’.
After a one and half hours of struggling up to the top I came to a plateau, called Saint Anna. The view was breathtaking and now I felt it: This is the place. I walked across the plateau and collected a few stones, to support my candle. I could not see anything else, I was totally focused on my ritual, the farewell to my ‘Padre’ and to finally cut myself loose from the karma that has been passed down from generation to generation in our family. There I stood, alone on a mountain, embraced by the stillness… staring at the burning candle. When I look back it must have looked really strange, but at that moment it was something so big. So incredibly big. I stood there crying like I haven’t done for a long time, but it was so worthwhile. Not only the climb up, but also everything that had happened before. Each set back, each disappointment.
So many times in my life, I have stood at the point of throwing everything aside, changing everything, and I have done that literally a couple of time. But in that way, I never received the ‘upgrade’, which I have been searching for, for a long time. What I did, was running away from the process that I had to do. Perhaps I was not strong enough for it then. Maybe that is why I have put it off for such a long time. But it all lead to the same place: to the mountain in Montserrat. To a new beginning. And my father was there, I truly felt that. Even though no physically, but he was there… and for that I am eternally grateful.
How is it possible?
After a while, I looked at my watch and saw that it was four o’clock. I thought to myself: how lovely. Exactly the time that my father passed away. At the same time I came back to reality, because I had agreed with my host to be ready at 4.30 pm for the journey back to Barcelona. I was never going to make it and I could not phone – there is no signal high up in the mountains. I had no time to loose, and had to leave right away. Thankfully going down was a lot easier than coming up, but even so I had to hurry.
Half way down, I heard a noise in my pocket. My phone had a signal. But before I could make a call, I looked at my watch and was astonished: it still said 4 o’clock. I checked my phone immediately: almost 4.30 pm. How is that possible? My watch had stopped during my ritual, just like the time when my father died. Even now when I am writing about this, I still get goose bumps, but I still have the evidence on my wrist. My self-invented ritual was not a trick. It was real. My father had been there. Well what happened after that I am not quite sure, but I felt a power arise within: a powerful feeling of: and now I can take on the world. Something really heavy has left my physical body, because since then I feel so much lighter. I feel free. And the most amazing thing is: on the 3rd July I can go back again!
For months I have been talking about karma, but what can you do about it if you haven’t experienced it? That is how I begun this column: it has to be real. Maybe now you know what I mean. I could have lit a candle anywhere for my father, but it would not have been the same. By climbing up the mountain, gave me a certain value. I made a huge ritual from something quite small. And my belief in these sorts of rituals has become much stronger than it already was. People who have taken part in my workshops, always know that I have a ritual under my sleeve and those who take it seriously, I see them change. Those who do it just because I ask, achieve nothing. Everything really depends on whether you take yourself seriously or not. That is what true authenticity is all about: the belief in yourself.
So if you want to make a difference in the world, something with impact that people want to talk about? Then allow me to help you with the first step with the activation of Authenticity. It will be available in the new Janosh App, which is almost ready to launch. Let it inspire you to become truly authentic, vulnerable and maybe a bit different…
From heart to heart,
Someone just a little bit different