Janosh column “My truth”
Those of you who know my work, know that every hologram has an influence on a specific part of our subconscious. I call them codes, because they help you to decipher hidden information within yourself. Every code contains information of a certain frequency, or to be more specific, a vibrational energy which resonates with our senses. In my columns, connected to the latest codes, I describe my experience connected to these frequencies. Every month I take on a code that is most prominent at the time and I share my opinion on our development within this theme.
It is exactly as it is.
It is a special time with so many things happening. More and more I realise how special it is to live in this time frame. So much is going on and the creation process takes a mega leap like never before.
It feels like a huge rollercoaster with sharp bends. One learning curve hasn’t even finished yet and the next one is already starting. This past month I have chosen not to write a column. This was necessary since I needed time to digest all the developments of the past few months. On top of that, the 5D Challenge (online workshop) has taken more time to create than I imagined and has also stretched my own boundaries. I am living through every emotion; the process of creation has never been so inspiring!
Besides this there are other processes which have made me think. I often step into unknown territory and I realise I hardly take the time to digest these steps. You may recognize this; many things happen and all of a sudden you can see the whole picture. Something develops, a turning point occurs and this month I would like to share with you the events leading up to the moment in which I had no choice but to speak my own Truth.
I am looking in a mirror
I often say: “ Live your own truth, create your dream.” I share this with my audience in full conviction, and indirectly I am also addressing myself. I am looking in the mirror when speaking to people and sometimes this is confronting. Of course I can say that I have found my passion and that I live my truth, but passion is not a destination, it is a path. Where am I heading? What is my goal? I know that I don’t just do this work because I like it, but because I also wish to contribute to a better world. My intention is to empower people and inspire them to take charge of their own life.
Still, deep down I felt some little pieces were missing. The story wasn’t complete yet, but I didn’t know how. Something was stirring inside, but I couldn’t quite find the words to express exactly what is was. I wanted to share a feeling that couldn’t be translated, as if I was breeding a hologram that wasn’t ready to be born yet. I kept trying to get in touch with that part of me that kept me preoccupied, – standing in front of an audience and waiting for the right words to come.
My efforts were in vain. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just had to have faith and let it go, thinking that everything would become clear at the right time. Now that this has happened, I would like to share what has been happening behind the scenes. I will take a short journey back in time, to September last year.
The first signs
I received my first insights during my third trip to the Altai mountains in Siberia. That’s where it all started. If you have read my previous columns, you know my stories about the me- and us-frequency, the energy of the victim and the leader. I have written about the characteristics of our mutual process, the frequencies that we use to connect through thoughts and words and how this influences the day of tomorrow or, in other words, on our creation process.
I have always had in mind to inspire people to find their strength, to make contact with their essence, thus changing their reality, so that this new reality connects with who they really are. This is still my goal of course, but recently something has changed in the way I want to accomplish this. This intangible feeling has taken shape and I don’t hold back anything anymore. It is what it is.
As I have mentioned before, Altai was the starting point. Emotions came up that I couldn’t quite figure out, but I look upon those as the first signs. Every time I visit the Altai area amazing things happen, because the energy frequencies are extremely high there. It is a strenuous two week period, physically and mentally; it feels like you bare your soul and afterwards you always need some time to recover. I didn’t take that time for myself, because many projects were awaiting and I couldn’t actually wipe those off the table. I decided to compromise by introducing the energy of Altai into my work. This way new insights were established.
Russia this and Russia that
In November, when I visited Russia again, I felt another shift. It was the first time that I travelled with my right hand man, Benjamin, which was different. We had to get used to each other in a different setting, but from the start I felt very comfortable in his presence. On top of that he pushed me in a way that made me dare to stretch my boundaries. It felt liberating, like a step towards a new phase.
Afterwards I felt thrown back into a strange feeling that something was still missing. It felt as if I had been preparing for taking a step, but didn’t know what step this would be.
When I arrived back home it was hard for me to free myself of this energy. The people around must have gone crazy, for each conversation was about Russia.
I wanted to grab this moment, I didn’t want to let go of this feeling anymore and also used it to stretch my boundaries in the Netherlands. I felt something was about to happen, I was so close, but time and time again I felt it slipping through my fingers. Yet again I had to let it go; my truth remained hidden. Later it turned out that I just couldn’t put this process aside. It was my guide Saïe who confronted me during some kind of a vague day dream.
Ultimate truth does not exist
Saïe – pure and honest, bluntly told me that it was time to stop acting. I had to let go of my role of being the eternal pleaser. That role didn’t fit me anymore he said, because now I had to speak my truth. I was flabbergasted. Pleaser? How dare he! I am not an actor! I have always been honest and wanted to inspire people to take of our masks together. Now, indirectly, I was accused of still wearing a mask. But Saïe was convinced I still hadn’t shown the world the true me. “”The world is waiting for the truth””, so he said. “”You have been playing and practiced long enough. Now you are ready””. I couldn’t say a word. Normally I always have something to say, but this time I was in shock. I didn’t understand it at all. After waking up from this day dream I let it go and placed it in a pigeonhole, calling it ”a fantasy”. I had to forget this and fast, since there was so much to do, leaving me no time to think about it any further.
Again, it was in Russia where I found my answers. In February I returned to Moscow and Siberia on a very busy schedule. No time to take a break, not even enough time to sleep in between events and appointments, with a very uncomfortable midnight journey to Siberia, where I had to start another presentation just a few hours after arriving.
In Moscow the Mirrors of the Soul theme had been very popular, and although we had planned a different workshop in Siberia, we took a last minute decision to continue with the same theme. It just felt better to continue with the same energy. In fact, in Moscow I left something uncovered, which did surface in Siberia. I felt I was being lifted and I felt complete, powerful and silent inside. It seemed as if I was a different person. Words started flowing like waves of inspiration and there was nothing stopping me to speak freely.
What happened? What was going on? Benjamin also felt it, he also wanted to find the answers, because there had been a shift we couldn’t quite put our finger on.
How was it possible that I had been standing in front of a group of people, unprepared yet talking and sharing with them for hours? Where did this creative power come from? We have spent the entire night talking and searching for the right words to describe this feeling, but we didn’t get any wiser.
Am I holding back?
For a while now I am feeling that I am not sharing my complete truth. It is not that my story isn’t right, but something was missing. I have received enough confirmation that the activation is working and that I have found the right approach. It is not that. It is more a feeling of : “”am I holding back””? I remembered the day dream in which Saïe spoke to me and I started to realise it hadn’t been just a fantasy. All of a sudden I understood what he wanted to say to me. My problem has often been speaking in public, in front of an audience, because I am not a good actor.
Throughout the years I have been fine-tuning my performance on stage and these days I step onto the stage without any problem. But the role has become more important than the truth, which is why for a long time I played the part of an inspirator, rather than actually inspiring people. I have partially been withholding my truth because of the show, whilst the bigger plan is not to entertain people, but to empower them!
The schedule in Russia did not allow to dwell on this. If there was a moment of reflection, I immediately got reminded of the private sessions still to take place. In the meantime I was looking back at those moments I held a microphone and looked into the audience. I could not escape from what Saïe had tried to make clear to me. I started to confront myself. Is a leader someone with the best speech? Are the grand masters those with the most followers? Am I honest if I hold back? And can the truth be covered up or swept under a carpet?
Preparing for “Refinement to Ascension”.
At the end of October 2011 it was known that on 24 February 2012 I would hold a presentation in “de Jaarbeurs” in Utrecht. This was linked with the energy and special frequencies of this special day which, according to the Maya calendar, would start up a new wave of energy. Believe it or not, a week before the presentation I had nothing prepared. Although the theme had been published on the website, I hadn’t done any preparation as to the contents. It didn’t feel right to start working on the presentation. I had to wait for the right moment and that moment hadn’t surfaced yet. The last day of our Russian tour, Benjamin was going to rewrite the text. We had a rough draft, but I had yet to detail most of it. Whilst I had private sessions during the day, he was in his hotel room working on his laptop and in between sessions I would walk in and relax a little. He was going at a great pace and after a few sessions he announced he would be ready at my next break. The next break I felt I was walking down the hallway towards his room in slow-motion. I thought for a moment it had to do with the previous session, because I could not manage to keep my eyes focused. I had a feeling of being pulled away, into another world. It was comparable with how I felt before, during the presentation.
I knocked at his door and the door opened straight away. I can still see his eyes. They were large and somewhat confused.
“I have changed your text”, he said. “But it is as if I have not written it. I wasn’t there. It felt strange and when I read it again, it is not what we’ve discussed before. A few things are totally different, so I don’t know if this resonates with you.” I walked towards his laptop and started reading the text. After reading a few paragraphs I was in shock. No, this wasn’t what I intended to say. I would have to stretch my boundaries quite a bit to do this. I broke into a sweat!
After I laid down to let all this sink in, I saw Saïe in front of me. And all of a sudden it became clear: this is my truth. There is no going back. This is what I want to share and what I have pushed away all this time. However strange this may sound, it is the message that there is no such thing as thé Truth.
I hadn’t felt it for a long long time, but all of a sudden a huge fear came up inside of me. Benjamin asked me: “are you sure you are ready to do this”? I had come this far, searching for answers. Now it was written all over the wall and I couldn’t do anything but nod. So it will be. There was no time to talk any further, since my next client was waiting, but my thoughts kept going back to “Refinement to Ascension” all day long. I felt that everything was going to be different from that moment on.
24 February 2012, Utrecht
The doors opened and slowly people started to enter the theatre. I was going to do something I never had done before in a fully sold out Media Plaza. For a short moment I thought, “now I am no longer meeting everyone’s expectations. Now I am going to share my truth; that which I have felt before, but never expressed.” Before starting I felt a little doubtful. People would become empowered at accelerated speed, determine their goal ánd go for it. I could feel it. I knew it. But at the same time, other people were going to be disappointed or even angry. The duality was going to be visible, but there was no way back. I was no longer able to play a part, to withhold my vision with the information already available and file my repertoire under the caption of “Spirituality”.
People deserve honesty and I want to give them just that. I can only share my truth, be honest and vulnerable and tell them why I do this.
My introduction was so simple, as stated on the website: “”2012 – a new time, a new energy, a new message. The Mayan people have predicted that 21 December 2012 is going to be ”the End of Time”. Our evolution will reach a climax and the world will change for good. Prior to this date there are a few dates during which the energy frequencies will rise dramatically. Today, 24 February 2012, is such a day… a new chance to grow at an accelerated speed, take charge of your inner creation power and free yourself of all that keeps you away from your dream. The key to your mastery is the realization that you do not need anyone anymore. There is nothing left to wait for, because this year nothing will happen, unless you make it happen. Now is the time to choose: are you going for it or will you stay behind? Tonight you can make an important step if you are willing to listen to your heart.
I don’t want to play a part any longer
Utrecht was the moment I have lived towards. I shared my truth, my intention and my vulnerability. It was a special evening, during which I didn’t want hold back. My truth, my words; it is what it is. I could feel that it was being received well by the audience. I took distance from having to conform or meet expectations for good that night and it felt liberating. My intention was to transfer this feeling onto the audience at a moment nobody was expecting it: just before the Ascension activation. Everyone was given the choice to stop following and just start living your own truth. The message hit home; people started to stir and a number of people left the theatre; empowered, full of energy, full of pride. A number of people left feeling angry and disappointed. There was a moment of chaos, but like a beautiful lotus rises from the mud, most beautiful things arise from chaos as well. I felt everything happened as it was supposed to happen. A memorable moment one will not easily forget….
It was necessary, this action, to arrive at a turning point. I do not want to play a role, or for people to follow me. As I have said before, I am only responsible for what I do and say, not for how it is being interpreted. Everybody has their own truth and the moment we are going to realise this, we can change this world. We will stand up, grab hold of our inner power and realise we can create anything we want. Then we are truly free, in love, and nothing stands in our way. The people who have cottoned onto this deserve a compliment and I wish them every success with manifesting their dreams.
This was an important moment for me as well and I will keep it to myself. I have taken of my mask, spoken my truth and I know: everything will be different from now on.
Finally I want to share a response from a member of the audience. This person sent me an email, truly touching me and I felt that this person had understood my message. Even if there is only one person out of the 500 people attending that night, that understood my message, my mission has been accomplished. Her reaction was: “ you chased us away, back to ourselves, back to our own Being”.
From heart to heart,