Janosh Column “Liberation”
Those of you who know my work, know that every hologram has an influence on a specific part of our subconscious. I call them codes, because they help you to decipher hidden information within yourself. Every code contains information of a certain frequency, or to be more specific, a vibrational energy which resonates with our senses. In my columns, connected to the latest codes, I describe my experience connected to these frequencies. Every month I take on a code that is most prominent at the time and I share my opinion on our development within this theme.
I do not feel complete
It may sound funny to say this, but I do not feel complete. Even when I am happy, something seems to lack in my life. I am happy with my family, my work and everything that surrounds it. Still that feeling of something lacking does not disappear when I focus on it. It’s not that it is bothering me, although I do wonder what it means. What do I miss in my life? What is that undefinable longing I cannot explain? I have found my passion a long time ago, set my goals and I can only win, whilst deep inside of me it feels as if I have lost something.
Luckily, my daily activities keep this feeling at a distance. If I were to completely surrender to my thoughts, I would become entangled in an endless discussion with myself. I cannot allow myself to get lost in this, I have to keep functioning, so I just take a step back. Everywhere I go I get signs that confront me with my own feeling. Whether it is during one of my workshops, or whether I stare at the lady behind the till in the supermarket. Everybody seems to have the same dazed look in the eyes like me. It is almost like some kind of depression, just as if we are disappointed in the life we have chosen to live. I miss the openness that I see when people leave our theater after a presentation, embracing each other joyfully and enthusiastically. I sometimes think, do I have to let go of my dream and accept that this love is just not attainable at the bakery or butcher’s?
It’s funny how I regularly experience that my own words come back to me. Often, when I am front of a group, I say: “whatever you give attention, grows.” I am referring to fears becoming reality when paying too much attention to it. This is true, also in my case. I have let my feeling of missing something become an issue and this feeling was mirrored to me by my environment.
Increasingly I hear people around me discussing and competing with each other, fighting for their right and being right. I detect discontent amongst people of whom I had least expected it and see the worst come up in people when the topic money comes up. I ask myself every time: what are we missing? How can we start up the frequency of love together? And can I inspire the world if I can’t even succeed in my immediate environment?
Thus my confusion kept growing, until I suddenly got a hunch. I checked my diary last week to make an appointment with someone and I saw that this month we are commemorating the second world war. We celebrate Liberation Day on May 5, and remind ourselves that our freedom is not self-evident, thinking back to the fierce struggle during the war time – I immediately knew I had to do something with this.
For more than a year I make use of important dates in the Mayan calendar to start up a joint energy, but I notice that this is still too far-fetched for many people. Perhaps Liberation day is a better way to inspire people to Love. After all, it has long been since it was a real happy event; it is just another date we don’t value enough. Yet I believe that our desire for freedom is still as strong as ever, albeit on a spiritual plane, because being free now is mainly a thing of our mind. We want love, happiness, passion and independence, to be with each other unconditionally, being acknowledged, not for how we pretend to be, but purely for who we are. Maybe this viewpoint will open new doors and may help me to inspire people to become more aware of this. I immediately planned a free webinar for 5 May.
The line between pretense and honesty
I hardly had any idea of what I was going to share and yet I was overflowing with enthusiasm. I started to philosophize about what liberation exactly means and how it relates to our lives. If you link it to oppression, it means redemption of war, imprisonment or abuse. It’s the end of suffering, the answer to the prayers of the victim that builds a bridge to peace, love and security. But liberation can mean much more. Recently I got this insight whilst working on my new book; in that we transcend our earthly way of thinking. We free ourselves from complexity by looking at reality in a different way. We are waging a war that is no longer necessary: the famous battle between head and heart. The longer we fight, the greater the threat of duality between head and heart. Just ask yourself how often and easily we are in two minds? We adjust to what we don’t want, we agree when we don’t actually agree, we keep the peace while we feel anger and vice versa. The outside world mirrors an uncertainty that no longer fits us. The farther away we are from the inner circle, the thinner the line between pretense and honesty. We all wear masks to protect ourselves, but the question is: “why”?
What do we need in order to free ourselves? How long should we continue to play the game even before we give up? If I look at myself, I feel a tremendous urge to break through my fear of rejection. That does not count for when I am working with an audience and live my passion, because then I feel completely empowered. This is when I am happy, excited and completely follow my feeling. No, it’s outside of that, during moments when I am in conversation with people on the outside, with skeptics : people in my immediate environment that don’t understand me or tell me things I possibly would not have thought about myself. They supposedly want to help me by explaining how it is, to tell me what I am doing wrong and what I should be aware of, but at the same time they look at me strangely when I start talking about unconditional love. They are the same people who use my words as ammunition when they need to be right about something, using the extremely painful clincher: “Are you the one who talks about unconditional love?” …
You can imagine that I experience anger at such times, but really, who should I be angry with? With the other person, for judging me? Isn’t that too easy? Am I not avoiding my own process that way? Shouldn’t I take a better look at myself and wonder why I shut myself down when I feel that I can’t be myself ? What still amazes me the most is that I am more accepting of judgments than I am of compliments. There are many people who thank me for my inspiration, for the tools that I provide them with so they can proceed on their path, yet one harsh remark can still haunt me for days; something that is still not easy for me to process.
A harness of protection
It is striking to sense the same feeling in many people. After about eight years of organizing presentations and private sessions, I have come to the conclusion more and more that we all are afraid to be judged. It prevents us to show who we really are, just as if everyone would turn their back on us if we would say what we feel. So we fool each other, we carefully scan each other, being secure and passive in a harness of protection. Underneath our heart shouts out for a pure contact, but our head tells us we have to meet some demands first. We must pass the test, otherwise we are not worth being recognized. We so much want to be recognized, to be taken seriously and we especially do not want to lose face.
This thought leads to my personal story. I have already shared this in front of an audience, but I feel that it is time to speak openly and publicly about this. I always say: “vulnerability is a force.” Now it’s up to me to me to actually walk my talk. We all remember times during our upbringing, school periods, training and work situations, when we were confronted with rejection. I myself remember some experiences which have had huge impact on my life: events that I only recently accepted. I now know what I miss in my life and what it has to do with; how to free myself from fear that has haunted me all my life.
This is the story where I have left my self-judgment behind, because there is nothing left to let go of anymore; I only need to understand where to find the key to my liberation.
It started at an early age. I have been raised as a member of the Dutch Reformed Church and I went to Sunday school every week. I was mesmerized by the fascinating stories by the Reverend. His speeches were touching me, because they felt as the truth. Up until today I believe that the bible is meant as a spiritual book with symbolic stories about life and how our consciousness can grow. I see it as inspiration for our soul and a tool to learn to understand the duality of this world.
Anyway, back to my youth. The stories were touching me, still I always had a gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Some of the things that were added to the speeches felt awkward to me. We were told that there is a God who loves all people, and who takes care of us. It is a God that leads us to Heaven, who judges Good and Bad and only exists of love.
I was confused, because I couldn’t believe it. As a child I have felt we are all part of this God. Love is within all of us and if we give this love to each other, we can create a better world. If we bring happiness into our own life, we also make other people happy. That is how I felt and thought about life and that is why I did not understand the theme God as it was explained at Sunday school.
As open as a child can be, I spoke my mind without fear and asked the Reverend: “If the God that you are talking about really exists and if he really is looking after us, why is there a war and why do people suffer? Why are people still sick and why do children still die of hunger every day? Why doesn’t God help us? ” I did not get an answer, but I kept asking my questions. It was on my mind all the time and stopped me from enjoying the beautiful Bible stories.
Very soon after that I found out I shouldn’t have asked those questions. My parents got a visit from the Reverend, telling them their child wasn’t normal and that they should get some help for me. I wasn’t welcome at Sunday school anymore. I was a disturbing factor and had to be kept under control. This was my first lesson in rejection, an important moment where I let my heart speak and got punished for it. I didn’t understand it at all and I could only cry because of the pain I felt.
The most painfulexperience
Another thing that caused a problem for me, was that as a child I could see more than others. For me this was normal for a long time, because I thought everybody saw each other that way.
When I looked people in the eyes, I felt their longing and their sorrow. I didn’t see the person, I saw their soul. That is why I could have empathy and understand why someone acted a certain way. I could see it, purely because I love all people. I lovedeveryone. I was alsoveryphysical. If I was enthusiastic during a conversation, I had to touch the other person – a pat on the arm or shoulder. That contact was very important to me, but I have had to unlearn this, because not everyone appreciates that kind of contact. So I learned that people would respond in a strange way when I expressed my love for them in a physical way. I thought to see love in the eyes of the other person, but I often felt rejected.
I had my most painful experience at the age of seventeen, when I was summoned for military service. I didn’t feel like it at all and during the screening I told them openly that I had no wish for being taught how to fight. I believe in love and I love people; to me the intention of killing people does not fit into that picture. This of course was not received very well and some months later I had to appear in front of the Council of War. I had to explain myself why I was refusing military service. I held my ground and spoke from the heart. I told the officer that I chose for love instead of violence. People laughed and I felt smaller and smaller. I can still see myself standing there; a seventeen year old boy, with a heavy heart and fear in the chest, powerless against these tall men in uniform.
The judge’s ruling came as a major blow: 18 months replacement military service. Again I did not understand. One chooses for love and one gets 18 months of punishment? That is where my doors shut. I lost my faith in unconditional love and decided to close my heart for good. I did not want to touch anyone anymore, did not want to share anything anymore, did not even want to experience love anymore, because in my experience this would only lead to pain. I became angry at the world and everything around me. I started to abstract myself and I changed from an open and loving boy into a loner. This is when I’ve lost something important of myself: a sense of freedom that I have never been able to find again since.
To choose for Love once again
What touches me is to see the same reluctance to being open in other people’s eyes. I can see the pain and frustration, indicating that their soul wants to be liberated. So we all have the same longing for what we have lost whilst growing up. That is why I share my own story, to confirm that you’re not the only one. I would also like to make you understand that freedom cannot be found outside yourself, because you have tucked it away inside yourself. Just as I once had, there was a time you shared everything without even thinking about it. You could touch anyone, look anyone in the eyes and honestly talk about what you felt, trusting the other person blindly. Nothing was crazy and everything was ok, until the first rejection painfully touched your heart. From that moment on you lost touch with your inner strength. We all went through this in this Western world, each and every one through his or her own experiences. It has taught us that we have to protect ourselves against the pain of rejection. We have to be strong, we should not allow people in, but keep them at a distance and ignore the message of our heart for our own good, because the mind rules our defense. We do not want to be targeted again, so we rather leave it up to other people to prove that they are worthy of our love. Only when someone has followed our self-designed step by step plan, we know that they cannot hurt us, but even then we still keep our guard up.
In my experience it doesn’t have to be like that. In order to find that vulnerable piece of yourself again, you should accept everything from the past as an experience. It was a way to get here, at this point in time when you can make the choice for love again. It is always possible, wherever and whenever you want. Ok, I have to admit it : it’s not easy to open up to everyone straight away. I regularly experience that myself. In the world we live in, unconditional love is only intended for our partner and family, and it usually doesn’t go further than that. Just imagine if we would embrace and touch everyone like when we were children; it is unthinkable really. Nevertheless, I feel that thát is where our true strength lies: learning to love everyone again, regardless of any behavioral programs that may cling to someone.
Be prepared for rejection: you will experience it again. But with everything you now know, you can choose to deal with it differently. As a child I could not manage to find a way to deal with it, so I shut myself down. It is different now because I know that criticism is a compliment. It indicates that I am on the right track, because in actual fact I am like a mirror for the other person, revealing his or her own longing. Let love bring you to the freedom you have been looking for and understand that others love you just as much from deep within, but they do not dare to admit this because they do not understand. The choice for unconditional love makes you a pioneer; perhaps lonely sometimes, but more powerful than ever! It is the key to your truth, the highway of your creation and liberation from everything that inhibits you to be yourself.
The new code: Liberation
It may not surprise you that I have associated my new code to this. Whilst designing the code I saw images of my life flash before my eyes and I felt how big the impact of rejection has been on my life. I never dare to speak about those times, just because I didn’t want to feel that pain again, but I cannot deny that my longing for freedom and unconditional love is greater than my need for self-protection. So I dare to look at it differently now. My childhood experiences have made me stronger and were necessary to get me to this point, as a kind of introduction for fulfilling important life lessons. I came from light, I became a child and released myself into this world. After having made a long journey, I have come to the point that my final discovery is taking me home, back to the feeling I came into this world with.
Thanks to this insight I have been able to free myself from the past. I know what I am missing and what I still have to do, but with this realization I feel my natural strength is coming back inside of me. From now on it will be infinite, because that’s what I have promised myself. I am who I am and I accept that you are who you are, without judgment, knowing that love cannot flow if we put a value on it. We are equal and have the same goal in mind, even though we follow our own individual path. Life may change, but we don’t; we only adjust to our circumstances. Remember from now that how ever many problems there may be, how ever many masks we may have to wear, how ever many rejections we need to digest; every person is pure at heart. To have contact with the other person is always possible, even though you may have to dig deeper to get to the core. It is now up to you and me to start up the frequency of love again and to inspire others to come and stand beside us. Together we can heal this world and make it possible to liberate all of us.
In conclusion: a historic speech
Finally I would like to conclude this column with something I came across this week. It cannot be a coincidence, because it has everything to do with my theme for this month. When one talks about liberation, we actually have a rich history with role models who have guided us. Perhaps the most notable is Nelson Mandela, who regained his personal freedom and touched the entire world. I got goose bumps reading his inaugural speech, which illustrates our common inner struggle;
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”, Nelson Mandela (1994).
Heart to Heart,
Activation Liberation helps you to bring the inner freedom, which you experienced as a child, back into your life. >>> http://janosh.lv/en/aktivacija-atbrive-rus.html.